Toxic “Friends”

I guess you can say that I’m truly blessed to have found my Girl Squad after all the traumatizing experiences with my toxic ex-friends.

I am actually glad that I went through all those experiences, it has opened my eyes to the kind of people that are in this world. The strength that I have gained from all the back-stabbing and lying has been totally priceless. I learnt the meaning of true friendship and valuing relationships which are mutual.

Everyone is brought into your life for a reason, either a lesson or a blessing.. Majority are lessons btw don’t get fooled into thinking they are blessings.

If I could tell you some of the stories that have happened to me, or I have seen from my Girl Squad, we would be here forever.

That doesn’t mean we are bad people because people try to take advantage.. It is actually because we are too nice to everyone, even if they don’t deserve it, our parents raised us to treat everyone good and with respect.

So I’m gonna summarize a few of the toxic friends red flags and maybe add a little part of a story.

1. “Friends” who involve themselves to do more harm than good – There’s 2 kinds of people, ones who wish the best and those who are just jealous haters. The one who wishes the best for you tries to get involved but with good intentions to protect you, might not always work out in the best way but they tried to help in a good way. Then there’s the jealous haters, they love stirring the pot, their own lives are so boring and they can’t stand to see anyone happy so they come with their big spoon and just start stirring. It’s not their place to get involved and they definitely don’t have good intentions but they just gonna get involved anyway.
2. Demoralizing and pessimistic – Negative people who always put you down and always, always, always look on the bad side of everything. That vibe is just totally not needed, honestly negativity brings the mood down, we don’t need that. Our friends are supposed to make us laugh, pick us up when we are down and support us when we need them. People that don’t encourage or motivate you, truly don’t want the best for you. Surround yourself by people who encourage you and motivate you, these people are the ones who aren’t jealous of you and want to see you succeed in life.
3. Degrading and judging – Oh you look fat… Oh I don’t like your make up.. Oh I don’t think you look nice..
   Calling someone fat, is just plain rude. I’m sorry but there are no excuses for calling anyone that. It’s offensive, if anyone calls you that please make sure they are a Victoria’s Secret Model on the catwalk. They better be perfect in every single way before they start making comments like that and even still they don’t have the right!
   If someone says I don’t like your make up.. Question number 1.. Are they a professional make up artist..? Question number 2.. Does their make up even look good..?
   If you like your make up and you’re happy with the way you look why does it concern other people. But if she gives you tips on how to do your make up better for example a technique or a brush then that’s much more helpful and constructive.
   I am totally 100% for making sure my Girl Squad look like Queens 24/7, I am honest with them if something doesn’t look nice but in a more diplomatic and less harming way. I still want them to feel good about themselves, it’s just somethings don’t suit everyone and somethings look better on certain people than others. The constructive criticism is in a good way to make them look better, not in a sly bitchy way because they look glam and on point better than you and you’re just hating.
   There’s a tone which as girls we all know.. Is it in a friendly I want you to look better kinda way.. Or is it you’re looking better than me so lets just ruin something about you.
4. Flaunting and bragging – This is something that is so pathetic and childish, yet I see it a lot!
   Firstly between friends and I mean true friends, there’s no such thing as “money and showing off”. That’s because you like each other as people and for who you are not because of how much you have. Fake, toxic friends will always leech of you especially when you have more than them and they are jealous. Some people don’t have a personality so they use what they have as part of their personality. I’m sorry but you can have all the money in the world and still not be funny. Money cannot bring you a personality, a good heart and class. Users in this world are so common, they look for any opportunity and they take advantage to the max. Please don’t get trapped by these people, especially if they conveniently keep “forgetting their wallet at home” or dragging you to expensive places and making you pay. You work hard for yourself not for people to just come along and use you!
5. Good time, not a long time – as human beings we have good days, bad days, sad days and many other kind of days, ups and downs. I especially find it hard to open up, but my bestie in particular knows when there’s something wrong, my voice, my typing or just my mood overall (I’m sure she secretly works for the FBI or something). She won’t push me to tell her what’s wrong, but she will let me know that she is there for me and if I need someone to talk to she’s ready and waiting. Thats the meaning of true friendship.
   I’m lucky to have someone like that, there’s people who don’t have anyone to talk to or open up to when they need to.. Why..? Because the people around them are selfish. There is no other explanation. They are there for good times, having fun and enjoying, but when things get serious and deep it’s too much for them to handle and they make themselves busy. But on the other hand when they are sad or down and need someone to talk to.. Who do they call.. The person who they never had time to listen to before.
   True and I mean true and genuine friends will never let you feel alone and they will always, always, always, be there for you when you need them. Even if they are busy, they will make time for you, because they value you as part of their life and they genuinely care about you.
6. Can never keep a secret – I always say secrets are something between you and yourself and it’s not really a secret if you tell anyone.
   Nevertheless we always share things with our trusted, closest friends regarding situations, dilemmas, family problems, relationship problems etc. We look and seek for advice from the people around us.
   When you tell someone something especially if it is private, it is expected that this is between you and that person. It is not meant to be shared or discussed with anyone else.
   People who don’t have your best interests at heart – genuinely, they won’t honor this and it becomes a topic to gossip about. Be careful who you trust with personal and private information because not everyone is gonna keep it a secret.
7. Bad advice and sabotage – They give you advice which they know will harm you and not make the situation any better. Sabotage everything they can and pretend they are supporting you and with you by your side. The advice they give, they will never follow it themselves. You know your situation better than anyone else, take on board advice from the people you trust and you know care about you but in the end the decision and choice in your hand and you should make the one best in your opinion, regardless of what anyone says.
   

Remember who you are, don’t compromise your morals or your values to fit in or be accepted. Wrong is wrong it doesn’t matter how you put it or how much someone tries to convince you otherwise.

Have confidence in who you are and what you think is best for you. You deserve to have people around you who genuinely care, love and respect you. Anyone who isn’t caring, loving or respecting, doesn’t deserve your time or efforts.

When it comes to friends, it is about quality not quantity and even if you feel alone, it is better to be alone than be surrounded by toxic people.

The biggest lesson I learnt from toxic friends is that my mum told me from day 1 that this girl cant be trusted or she’s using you.

Mums are looking out for your best interest and of course she doesn’t want you to be hurt or sad in anyway, she’s just trying to protect you.

So of course I never listened and learnt the hard way!

Don’t ignore the signs, listen to your gut feeling and your Mum also, they are pretty much 100% right in every situation as much as we hate to admit it.

Thanks Mum & I love you.. I promise I will listen to your advice now

Leesh x

P.S. To all the toxic “friends” from my past I wish you changed your ways and I hope you will never treat your present and future friends in the same way.