Intentions

“Most of the evil in this world is done by people with good intentions.” – T.S. Eliot

I truly believe that when you meet someone you should be very clear about what your intentions are. It is a right for the other person to know in order to save themselves from being upset or hurt.

If you aren’t ready for the commitment of a relationship or marriage, be very clear to that person. In a normal situation you get to know each other, become serious, leading to marriage but unfortunately some people get to step 1 or step 2, get to know each other, become serious and then part ways.

If you both are on the same page and you have discussed that it will never lead to the future, you both know what you are getting yourselves into.

But.. If you gave someone the false hope or idea that there will be a future that in my opinion is totally wrong. You know very well that it wont happen so why give someone that impression that it will.

It’s very, very, very, selfish behavior and you do not know the consequences it has on the other person.

Regardless if you know that there will be no future, you’re setting yourself up for failure and heartbreak. When you get to know someone you spend time with them, you talk, you share stories and memories in essence that person becomes a part of your life whether you like it or not. You develop emotions towards that person even in the smallest amount, but there are still feelings.

When you meet someone and you’re getting to know them choose a good time, (when you feel the time is right) get the courage to tell the person exactly what you are looking for in your life and see if they are on the same page. If they aren’t, that’s ok at least you know now rather than 1 year down the line.

I think it’s so important as a person to know what you want from your life and what you want to do at the present time, for example do you want to focus on your career and you wouldn’t have time for a relationship, marriage is not in mind right now or are you just waiting for Miss or Mr Right to walk along into your life..

We are all getting older and time is just flying by, we can’t always have fun forever. There comes a point in your life when you realize, ok you’ve had loads of fun with my friends and that was great, the memories will last a life time, but you want a life partner to make loads of new memories and experiences, a new chapter to tell your future kids and grandkids (Insh’Allah). There comes a time when you need to grow up and start thinking with your brain, you aren’t going to be 21 all of your life, that doesn’t mean I’m not saying to have fun or enjoy with your friends, but everything in moderation.

I don’t know why people think that it is GAME OVER once you are married. I know of many happy couples and whom are even happier after marriage than they were before. That’s purely based on understanding, respecting, caring and loving one another. For sure there’s ups and downs, that’s in any marriage but you work through it, you don’t give up. They still have social outings with their friends – they aren’t stuck to each other 24/7, It’s actually healthy to have time apart.
If you have the right partner for life you will literally “live your best life” that’s for sure. Take your time to search for that right person. (I will be posting a blog soon about life partners)

A few tips that are helpful to me, that I will share with you.

1. Be straightforward and clear, some people may take it as full on or rude, they are just intimidated and trust me, they clearly don’t want the same thing as you, so don’t waste your time.
2. Be yourself – you have an opinion, you have a mind don’t just agree for the sake of it. Just because your opinions aren’t the same it doesn’t mean either of you are wrong.
3. Let your personality shine.
4. Set boundaries (make it clear who that person is in your life).
5. Don’t change who you are for someone – accept me as I am or don’t accept me at all (changes in a positive way is good for you but changing your personality, is not, your true personality will come out or come back eventually, it is who you are).
6. Don’t let your past experiences impact on new people in your life (Use those experiences to learn from your mistakes, be more cautious but don’t hold your past against someone who isn’t to blame).
7. Don’t trust people from day 1 (give them benefit of the doubt until you see other wise, trust will grow over time).
8. If you have a gut feeling something isn’t right or you’re noticing “red flags” – trust it.
9. Don’t talk about past relationships, past is past – time to move on to the future.
10. Respect yourself – you were raised well with morals and respect time to show it off.
11. Be consistent in your behavior (not hot and cold – if you are unsure and need more time, that’s fine just be clear).
12. Time is priceless, you should make every opportunity of your life and you shouldn’t waste it on a situation where in there is no future. Don’t waste your time and don’t allow people to.

I’m sure at some point in your life you have been hurt by someone who was close to you. From each experience of hurt our barriers become higher and higher, so the next person who enters into your life has a hugeeee wall to climb over or break it down. I’m not saying to lower your guard but remember that person wasn’t the one who hurt you but it is your right to protect yourself.

Not everyone deserves a chance to be part of your life, you determine who is worthy and who is not.

Be cautious, learn from previous experiences, they will take you forward in your life for the new steps and you know how to act in certain scenarios.

Don’t let anyone persuade or discourage you that what you want is wrong or it’s not achievable. Your life is what you make of it, you are old enough to make your own life choices, decisions and deal with any consequences.

Believe me when I say you know what is best for you.

Only you truly know what you want.

I can’t stress how much it hurts when you come to find out later that someone has given you false promises, false hope and false intentions. Don’t play with peoples feelings and emotions, it is not right.

Trust me if someone did it to you, for sure you wouldn’t like it so please treat people with the respect they deserve, and treat them as you would want to be treated.

If you want someone in your life, you have to fight for what you want.

If you aren’t ready or willing to fight, don’t start a losing battle.

Don’t even begin something that you cannot complete or don’t have the strength to stand up for what you want.

On the other hand there are people who have the best and purest intentions which maybe you would never expect.

Don’t assess someone based on what you have heard, people love to talk. Assess someone based on their behavior towards you and their intentions.

There are a lot of users and liars in this world, but there are also people who are sincere and genuine you just have to find them and cherish them as part of your life.

As they say it is like finding a diamond in a haystack.

I’m so grateful for all the people that are part of my life you are all sparkling diamonds and to those who have lied, wasted my time or given me false hope.

I wish you change your ways and you treat the people in your life better.

Treat people how you wish to be treated.

Leesh x